good medicine

Oh Happy DAY! and new year! This is my first post of the year. I’ve started this year filled with denial, that I’m not sick. It’s been about a week now and I’ve still got the ickies. Naturally ,I’ve turned to watching hours of my favorite british shows, (Coupling, Little Miss Jocleyn, etc.) while downing gallons of soup and O.J. for a smack back into reality. I really think it’s working, the british part.

To ail my anguish in 4am coughing fits/queasiness I started scribing some of my favorite and most random quotes. I couldn’t just let them go to waste in my daily skittish memory so, I’ve provided a list of a few keepers. Please enjoy these and use them at your will.

Things women/single people in their 30s might say:

-death is the best argument for moisturizer.

-a womans breasts are a journey; the destination are her feet.

-bet she doesnt lay on her back and fill her armpits.

-having a bottom is like living with the enemy. They flirt with the wrong men when we’re not looking.

– i’m only 30 and I have a neck that remembers d-day.

– I dont need you to think of me as a person, I’ve got women for that!

– Did you say I’ve got a great personality?! That’s what you say to people with huge bottoms that smell of buscuits!

-(on marriage) its like death, you know its coming but everyone gets sorta uncomfortable when people start talking dates.

-we are woody’s in the toy shop of romance.

-do you think threre’s such a thing as airborne calories? like their just secretly latching on to you?

– since 30, I only smile at single men, to justify the loss of elasticity.

-sally, age brings wisdom and knowledge and. . . oh susan. . .age bring you more to shave.

-every relationship has baggage, why not take it out for dinner?

When you misspeak/lack a filter:

– I’m sorry I just opened my mouth and there was a bit more in there than I expected.

-I never use my toungue on people its just for stamps and emergencies!

-I love giving opinions I’ve got hundreds of them.

– I meant to say yes. I just missed by one word.

Totally random yet funny:

-deep looks great on me.

-OOh, I love giving opinions, I’ve got hundreds of them!

-I hate phoning, you never know who’s gonna answer.

-No, I don’t talk to women when they’re emotional, they’re allowed to smack you.

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okay. . . okay. . .(sigh)

Now that I’ve opened my shop I realize that I have to think about how to promote it. I know, kinda backwards but i’ve opened it nonetheless. My mom has been talking a lot about marketing myself and the product. . . that’s when I chimed in with the obligatory, furred brow, pointed finger, and ” ummm” cause I haven t really given much thought to this due to the fact that a lot of my stuff isn’t really up yet. but marketing myself, whaaa???

She then said ,” you’re eclectic and untraditional with your style. . . ” I thought to myself “but that’s odd to just be like ‘I’m cool you should keep me in your entourage,’to people that seem interested in the same things.” After further reflection I realized that I should be proud of the talent God gave me and who I am. It’s still seems a bit boasty of me but here it is.

I am proud to be much like my Lula: a pleasantly humorous, fashionable, eclectic, creative, and God-fearing woman trying to find my way in this world.

(click to enlarge)

bows & twists

curls and soft waves

side sweeps and curl

-still kinda blushing

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Filed under because yes, designs, work/school

If I: T-shirts

If I were a tee shirt I’d bark orders at people or state the obvious with a Bob Barker/Oprah voice like:

1. Raise your hand if you hate crowd participation!

2. State the opposite of what you want with fained enthusiasm if you hate sarcasm.

3. Learn unnecessary information about a celebrity today!

4. Let a girl know you’re reading her shirt before you just start staring at her chest. its works much better.

5. Tell your kid to shut up before I do!

6. Stare disapprovingly at the smokers! (best worn near public astrays)

7. STOP yelling in slow-mo. I SPEAK ENGLISH!

8. I didn’t steal your job, The Governator did!

9. I’m not gay but I can appreciate refracted light!
(aimed at the stingy gays)

10. proud pescatarian.

(with pic of a chicken in the middle)

probablilties ≠ always equal stereotypes.

-tnt

(til next time)

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if I: door fixtures

So I’m a bit bitter toward packaging and inventors today. these products/projects are mutually appreciated when properly utilized. however, they are also a nuisance when taken out of context and or common sense. though most listings do not immediately correlate to said annoyances, I figured you could use the explanation.

That said, I give you: If I Were A Door Knob.

If I were a door knob, I would:

1. be smarter than some packaging for a pair of scissors and or the person who decided to put them in the impenetrable plastic which needs scissors or a laser gun to open.

2. pat the man on the back who designed in-door plumbing then smack and turn my nose up at the guy who invented TWO SEPARATE faucets in the same sink for “hot” and “cold”. was he not aware of the ramifications. did he never test this? like the temperature of the water. . .like ever?!

3. not be nearly as cool as the the chain and hook in the back/top of the toilet. theat inventor knew his stuff. If you’ve ever had a problem with the flushing handle you feel me, others, you too shall feel it’s wrath .

4. be nearly as filthy as most computer keyboards. but not for long (see no.5)

5. be a renewable source of anti-bacterial liquid or serious germ killing mist that will still enable you to build up anti bodies to fight off H1N1. or however that works.

6. move close to and turn in toward the door jam to make snide and apathetic people remember they too can feel.

7. back away when i see peoples fingers linger between the jam and the door. or lick them so they retreat them in disgust. it think it’d but much more acceptable than the hail storm of pain the door’s got waiting for them. even as a door knob i’d be gangsta!

8. a round sensible one that’s hard to open/close when you’re holding too much stuff. and say stuff like “stop being lazy and save your back”. yes, i’d be an unlicensed therapist too. call me Dr. Phil.

9. still be jamaican with all these jobs/abilities.

10. still be a sexy beast!

and it seems that ten is the magic number cuz who can beat that!

-hydrating the corneas

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Filed under because yes, designs, if i

Look What I Can Do! (as said by Stewart)

For some time now my bedtime has coincided with my roommates’ morning alarms. I’m a nocturnal being but this is ridiculous! Now, I get a bit of a break as I am headed home tomorrow! Huzzah!

What does one do in the wee hours of the morning? Well, I’ve been trying to get things ready for my new shop called Mostly Posts on Etsy.com. You can find me under Sellers as Milzamo. I have some cards up now but am still figuring things out. Meanwhile, here are some of the types of bags I’ve been making.

ladies & gentlemen

my dearest africa

the smuggler (movie bag)

If you likesies tell me your ideas and put in your orders today!

-burning the midnight oil.

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Filed under because yes, designs

if i: sweatshop

I‘ve made sewing handbags and bows my new day-job lately. So naturally, my room looks like war (countless fumbled efforts and unrealized promises/sketches). With every prick of my finger I imagine what life would be like if this was my real job. Not having been paid yet, I thought, “it ‘d suck but I would hopefully take more showers.”

S0 today we’re exploring life “If I Worked In A Sweatshop”. Here’s a list of probabilities:

I’d:

1. have horrible posture. Slumping over a machine 12+hrs a day does not good for elocution. I’d also have lower back problems and weak ankles.

2. have even worse sight as I am constantly squinting. . .at what i don’t know but it seems customary to the trade. which leads to

3. have a Mr. T look stuck on my face. I’ve discovered that this is my default “sewing face”. I should stop that for these are critical years for my forehead lines.

4. be malnourished. I only eat like twice a day. but work more than 12 hrs. I have to remember to hydrate and stretch sometimes.

5. be a hell of a seamstress! or sleever/zipperess/handless. Whatever one item given at a time.

6. be a dirty kid and get sick from the other dirty kids I work with.

7. have no feeling in the tips of my fingers thus playing the guitar with ease which would then lead me to play my way to freedom!

8. look like a lost child with wild hair and missed matched socks.

9. forget what it’s like to have ADHD.

10.finished products in hours as opposed to days.

Having written this list I’m glad I do not work in a such an environment, mostly because I wouldn’t have time to blog about foolishness like this.

-pittying the foo’!

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Filed under because yes, change

K-1 Fiancé VISA Form

Dear Canada,

Attached is a video that left me with the question “Why is Ryan Gosling so precious?” I do remember him randomly singing in some movie but i didn’t realize he could actually sing. Even as “Lars the mildly disturbed” he was beautiful. This has proved him talnted yet again. I usually just think he’s a great actor but after seeing this video I realized California needs more imports. He is not the only example and fun and exciting Canadians but he is one the most well known bachelors.

This is an informal request until you send me the proper forms in order to sponsor more middle class increasingly intriguing canadian men. I have no preference though I greatly appreciate my west-adians. So, whatever you have available/eligible will suffice.

Warmest regards,

Jamila Silvera

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