good medicine

Oh Happy DAY! and new year! This is my first post of the year. I’ve started this year filled with denial, that I’m not sick. It’s been about a week now and I’ve still got the ickies. Naturally ,I’ve turned to watching hours of my favorite british shows, (Coupling, Little Miss Jocleyn, etc.) while downing gallons of soup and O.J. for a smack back into reality. I really think it’s working, the british part.

To ail my anguish in 4am coughing fits/queasiness I started scribing some of my favorite and most random quotes. I couldn’t just let them go to waste in my daily skittish memory so, I’ve provided a list of a few keepers. Please enjoy these and use them at your will.

Things women/single people in their 30s might say:

-death is the best argument for moisturizer.

-a womans breasts are a journey; the destination are her feet.

-bet she doesnt lay on her back and fill her armpits.

-having a bottom is like living with the enemy. They flirt with the wrong men when we’re not looking.

– i’m only 30 and I have a neck that remembers d-day.

– I dont need you to think of me as a person, I’ve got women for that!

– Did you say I’ve got a great personality?! That’s what you say to people with huge bottoms that smell of buscuits!

-(on marriage) its like death, you know its coming but everyone gets sorta uncomfortable when people start talking dates.

-we are woody’s in the toy shop of romance.

-do you think threre’s such a thing as airborne calories? like their just secretly latching on to you?

– since 30, I only smile at single men, to justify the loss of elasticity.

-sally, age brings wisdom and knowledge and. . . oh susan. . .age bring you more to shave.

-every relationship has baggage, why not take it out for dinner?

When you misspeak/lack a filter:

– I’m sorry I just opened my mouth and there was a bit more in there than I expected.

-I never use my toungue on people its just for stamps and emergencies!

-I love giving opinions I’ve got hundreds of them.

– I meant to say yes. I just missed by one word.

Totally random yet funny:

-deep looks great on me.

-OOh, I love giving opinions, I’ve got hundreds of them!

-I hate phoning, you never know who’s gonna answer.

-No, I don’t talk to women when they’re emotional, they’re allowed to smack you.

Advertisements

1 Comment

Filed under plain fun

One response to “good medicine

  1. deidre

    These are HI-larious!!! I think there’s greeting card potential for some of these!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s